There they are… warforged, tiefling, dwarf, human, blademark... hell’s teeth – where did the minotaur come from? Maybe he’s a friend of Denny’s, maybe Nafez sent him, he was certainly interested in what this lot was up to. Oh well, time for the talking stuff. At least I’ll be able to get of this hell’s cursed smoke creature, damn my arse hurts. Never liked them, even when they were made of flesh, never mind this god’s cursed smoke. What was that warforged’s name again… oh yes Red.
Why are we waiting like this – the hells-damned reptiles are right there for all to see. What in hell’s name does that runty little human hope to achieve? Maybe I should just charge in. Oh Orcus’s balls he’s been seen, now lets watch them gut him where he stands, should be funny. By the Traveller he’s actually pretty good with those tiny blades. Okay then, time to kill some kobolds. Damn it that minotaur is going to get himself killed if he goes on like that. Whore’s piss this reptile is a tough little bastard, let’s see what he feels like without any teeth. Gods that felt good, that one was for you Thadeus. Rat bastard little reptiles don’t deserve to live. Shit is that it… over too soon.
And again they arse about, rooting through the pockets of kobolds as if the crown jewels of Cyre might be there. By the Devourer’s teeth what a waste of time. Well hells take them I’m going to see where that rat’s piss little reptile went.
Aaaaarrrrggggghhhhhh…. shit, fuck, hell’s teeth, RRRUUUUUUUUNNNNNN!!!!!
By all the boils in a hag’s crotch, what was that? Ha, at least it wasn’t just me – that warforged looks like he won’t stop this side of the Adder River. And the bull looks like he’ll spend the night in Newthrone itself. Well lets see if that demon-born warlock knows his magic.
Orcus’s blood that sounds like the walking dead, thrice cursed boils on a whore’s arse I hate those things. Use it like a staff you useless bag of swamp piss, the blade will just go through them. Well at least they go down like anything else. Oh hell’s teeth it’s still moving, why won’t these things stay dead.
So the tiny human has decided to explore the kobolds tunnels while the reptiles are still in them. Stupid little bastard. Brave maybe, but definitely stupid. Shit that demon-spawn packs a punch in those mystic blasts. Don’t get on the wrong side of him. Curse it no one is watching the other end. Hell’s teeth if the thrice damned reptiles are just going to hide in there let’s just block up the exit and leave them. Suppose I should learn this human’s name… Kalle. Fine, lets just cram a few more stones in and then find another nest.
Tiamat’s scaly tits – a fire breathing room! Only a cursed reptile would dream up something like that. And the fish-obsessed minotaur decides to stand on that hell-cursed cloth. Ha, smoked beef! Hells that sounds good. No decent meat in this pisshole backwater. But that kenku grub is alright, nicely spicy. And now they’re bickering again, hell let’s just get this over with. One, two, and… ha easy… let’s see the metal man do that. By Olladra Kalle can jump, not bad for such a small man. And Red just walks through the flames… should have let the tiefling go first – they don’t burn do they?
Gods damn it, we’re going to be surrounded. Hell’s teeth tiefling get your back up against that wall! Don’t let them get in between us. By the Fury’s swollen cock what are these things – hell warped kobolds… damn it they’re everywhere… crawling on the fish-stinking walls like flies… get a grip on yourself you stupid bastard, they’re demon-cursed kobolds but they bleed like anything else… damn it what’s wrong with you, just stick the pointy bit into the little bastard… HELL’s TEETH that hurt… okay get a grip you lump of swamp rat’s shit… damn it all to the Six, you couldn’t kill a toad in a rat pit if it jumped onto your spear itself. Woah… what was that… the warforged’s not just a lump of metal, its a healer as well. Must be a holy warrior. Well at least that’s over… don’t want to fight those little bastards again.
Ha, cursed reptile statues didn’t see that coming did they. Something down this way must be valuable. So what is this thing. Okay so Kalle is going first again. Still a stupid bastard but he’s certainly got balls. Hell’s teeth where has he gone now? Well damn it all to the hells, lets see what this is. Woah, what was that… glad I didn’t fall into that pit. But might have to send Kalle down there later to see what that was in there.
Ok so it’s a dragonborn tomb, fair enough, but Red must take his gods far too seriously. If the reptile’s bones are surrounded by gold like Kalle thinks then it’s no benefit to him in the next world. Everyone knows you only need two coins for the ferryman and a blade to face the reaper. Oh hell’s teeth not the walking dead again… quick kill it and get clear. What in the name of the Mockery is Red doing! I thought those damned holy warriors hated the walking dead. Oh by Asmodeus’s hairy balls those are Breland insignia he’s been concealing. Hell cursed rat bastard metal monstrosity, I should have known, getting others to fight his battles just like the rest of them. No doubt he’ll want the prize at the other end of it as well. Well that’s the last time I turn my back on him… Breland swine. Maybe it’s time to let these fools venture on and just go find a drink. I didn’t ask for this job and I don’t want it. Hells damned mind witch making me think that these rat’s piss reptiles mattered!